Mr. Roland Emmerich has had a rather interesting Hollywood career, Stargate, cack, Independance Day, awesome. Godzilla, cack, The Day After Tomorrow, awesome. 10,000 B.C., cack. So in essence 2012, seeing as his last film was more than the standard cack, should be a masterpiece right?
I mean, the basic set up, John Cusack as divorced dad rushes to save kids, Amanda Peet and her new boyfriend as the world collapses, with lots of CGI and loud noises, should be a focussed, simple exercise in unmittigated disaster movies, right?
Well, to be fair, the film opens with a 15 minute set up, including Chiwetel Ejiofer, in another masterful performance where only a standard one is ever needed, meets his pal Jimi Mistry, again great, in India and discovers things are starting to happen in the Earth's core along with solar flares taking physical damage on the planet. Then Oliver Platt, who has a real bad agent after Year One, understands the danger and helps him, but, shock horror, he has his own plans cos he's part of the government.
Add to that Thandie Newton, Danny Glover's daughter, he's the president, works for a company who replaces art in time for the worldwide crisis, finds out the details as her friend explodes in the same, shameless, tunnel as a certain 'peoples princess' like that matters.
Oh, yeah, and everytime Danny Glover says something he doesn't look outside as the disaster hits and say "I'm gettin' too old for this shit" so he fails.
But, yeah, the basic premise is shit is happening all around the World in increasingly ridiculous manners and some people gave a billion euros for a seat on an ark, so they head over there, Cusack and co. know where to find it cos crazy hillbilly Woody Harrelson presents a radio show about conspiracies like that...
Cue many moments of "We're gonna die" then they don't, miraculously, for 2 hours and change. It's ridiculously long and painfully contrived, and worst of all, unengaging. It's the end of the World and the characters are so bland we can't connect with any of them, and this is the film's problem. We can sit through a long film if the characters are right, Jesse James, Dark Knight, Watchmen, Lord Of The Rings, the characters are set up, reacting to the situations in a way only they could, and we follow them, here it's about as inventive as GI Joe.
The acting of the big names is mostly great, Harrelson, Ejiofer, Mistry, Platt, Glover, Cusack, Peet, Newton, all as expected, Cusack's kids aren't bad either, though a Russian billionaire's family are awful, twin russian kids who sound more American than anything else, and an annoying, boring trophy girlfriend help make the middle section painfully dull before the body count reaches new heights. The whole ark idea was better done in Sky Captain too, but I guess you can't expect miracles.
And to be honest the film doesn't try too hard, it just throws situations out on the screen to see what happens, be it the Sistine chapel's God and Adam image cracking in the middle, or Amanda Peet and her boyfriend in a supermarket, he says "I'll never leave you" or something then a crack separates them without making any of them fall down the gap, miraculously.
It's all stupid, and maybe in a more vocal, entertaining crowd it works, but in an English, soggy, mid-day crowd the film fails on a lot of levels, especially entertainment, some scenes are better on youtube.
5/10
Friday, 13 November 2009
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
Rosebud! I Am Law Abiding Citizen Kane!
F. Gary Gray has brought us such titles as The Italian Job with Mark Wahlberg and A Man Apart with Vin Diesel, now he teams up with Kurt Wimmer, the man who gave us Ultraviolet and Equilibrium, to bring us Law Abiding Citizen, a film where Jamie Foxx plays a cunt and Gerard Butler is an innocent man who gets revenge on the people who unnecessarily murdered his family.
From the outset it's clear that Butler is our hero, he's the man that got screwed over by the system to keep Foxx's record in perfect order, so 10 years later when Foxx has a family and Butler goes about delivering a lethal injection that's rather painful. Given it's less than 24 hours since the Washington Sniper was executed, the scene was rather brutal and interesting to watch, like the opening where a fat man stabs Butler and his wife in a shockingly frank manner reminiscent of Zodiac.
Sadly when Butler gets to torturing the fat man, paralysed but not numbed, filming as he severs limbs and such, we see a deranged build up deliciously evil, but no pay off. Even when the daughter of Foxx watches it, it's all sound effects, no images, and the man's head lying on a worktop without any signs of it being a human head. Come the last hour all the build up from Butler becomes a series of gunshots, similar to Harry Brown, it's same old same old, nothing new, and then, annoying of all, it turns out we're meant to be on the side of Jamie Foxx, I'm rarely on his side, ever.
The acting is superb from Butler, he's fun and dark, and he has more funny moments here than the whole of The Ugly Truth, Foxx is annoyingly shit, everyone else gets nothing to do, and the whole film seems to be an exercise in build-up and futility, which is a real shame, as it could have been a violent but fun vigilante revenge justice flick.
5/10
From the outset it's clear that Butler is our hero, he's the man that got screwed over by the system to keep Foxx's record in perfect order, so 10 years later when Foxx has a family and Butler goes about delivering a lethal injection that's rather painful. Given it's less than 24 hours since the Washington Sniper was executed, the scene was rather brutal and interesting to watch, like the opening where a fat man stabs Butler and his wife in a shockingly frank manner reminiscent of Zodiac.
Sadly when Butler gets to torturing the fat man, paralysed but not numbed, filming as he severs limbs and such, we see a deranged build up deliciously evil, but no pay off. Even when the daughter of Foxx watches it, it's all sound effects, no images, and the man's head lying on a worktop without any signs of it being a human head. Come the last hour all the build up from Butler becomes a series of gunshots, similar to Harry Brown, it's same old same old, nothing new, and then, annoying of all, it turns out we're meant to be on the side of Jamie Foxx, I'm rarely on his side, ever.
The acting is superb from Butler, he's fun and dark, and he has more funny moments here than the whole of The Ugly Truth, Foxx is annoyingly shit, everyone else gets nothing to do, and the whole film seems to be an exercise in build-up and futility, which is a real shame, as it could have been a violent but fun vigilante revenge justice flick.
5/10
Monday, 9 November 2009
My Name Is Harry Brown, And I'm A Nosy, Violent Neighbour!
Michael Caine has had his arm in many a violent little English film through his illustrious career, but none more so than with Harry Brown, a true 18 rated grimy, gritty, bleak and unsettling vigilante tale set in an estate around Elephant & Castle, where yoofs have guns and swear and do drugs everywhere, like most places, and they're violent little pricks.
With Harry Brown the first hour begins with a 5 minute camera shot sequence of events with a youngster embraced by a yoof gang, given a gun, shooting a woman and getting run over, all it needs is a 'Think: Don't shoot people then make an exit without overlooking the possibility that your idiot body might be crushed' text and it'd be a complete advert, instead we then get the outline of the day to day for Harry Brown, Harry not Harold, not even the police when formally addressing him say Harold, well written as always, he wakes up, tea and jam, walks to the hospital, sees his wife, grabs a pint, talks to his pal Leonard then gets home before the yoofs come out and make noise, general discomfort and cause some ultra-violence, if they had milk instead of booze we'd have already seen this film...
One day the yoofs shove dog leavings through 'Arry's pal's letterbox and he snaps, running out with a bayonet and attacking the kids, who use it against him and violently kill him, whilst filming the attack of course. Soon enough the police investigation, led by the wonderful Emily Mortimer and a stilted partner dishing out lines so bland and devoid of human emotions they'd be out of place in a Bill episode, peters out and 'Arry can't have that, scoring a few guns from local black market drug runners he soon runs rampant around the estate, causing the police to get mobile on the yoofs and dealers, thinking they are behind it all instead.
The first hour of the film delivers some really harrowing, unsettling moments and has a bleak and realistic world view, offering up no easy answers, just lots of poorly scripted moments dealt with by professional actors. The second hour, however, the film loses all quality, becoming something of a facist fantasy, an old man with a gun reigning terror on idiot yoofs and hoodies, with no interest on moral dilemmas if there's a chance for a stupid, overblown action sequence that adds nothing to the characters, instead saying that the only thing that needs to be done is shoot all kids and crime rates drop tenfold. A subsequent riot sequence with kids acting like French students and a pub finale where a random, stupid twist is added to try to create an effect on the 'who is the bad guy, is the good guy even worse' without looking at Harry Brown as anything but a saint with a pistol.
It's a shame that the film delves into ridiculous male fantasy after some amazing reality grounding work first up, and Daniel Barber's visual eye is clear here, the lighting, the shots, it's wonderfully done, if only the script had been given a once over by someone who didn't say "Oh, shooting would be cool here, what's normal people speak sound like?"
6/10
With Harry Brown the first hour begins with a 5 minute camera shot sequence of events with a youngster embraced by a yoof gang, given a gun, shooting a woman and getting run over, all it needs is a 'Think: Don't shoot people then make an exit without overlooking the possibility that your idiot body might be crushed' text and it'd be a complete advert, instead we then get the outline of the day to day for Harry Brown, Harry not Harold, not even the police when formally addressing him say Harold, well written as always, he wakes up, tea and jam, walks to the hospital, sees his wife, grabs a pint, talks to his pal Leonard then gets home before the yoofs come out and make noise, general discomfort and cause some ultra-violence, if they had milk instead of booze we'd have already seen this film...
One day the yoofs shove dog leavings through 'Arry's pal's letterbox and he snaps, running out with a bayonet and attacking the kids, who use it against him and violently kill him, whilst filming the attack of course. Soon enough the police investigation, led by the wonderful Emily Mortimer and a stilted partner dishing out lines so bland and devoid of human emotions they'd be out of place in a Bill episode, peters out and 'Arry can't have that, scoring a few guns from local black market drug runners he soon runs rampant around the estate, causing the police to get mobile on the yoofs and dealers, thinking they are behind it all instead.
The first hour of the film delivers some really harrowing, unsettling moments and has a bleak and realistic world view, offering up no easy answers, just lots of poorly scripted moments dealt with by professional actors. The second hour, however, the film loses all quality, becoming something of a facist fantasy, an old man with a gun reigning terror on idiot yoofs and hoodies, with no interest on moral dilemmas if there's a chance for a stupid, overblown action sequence that adds nothing to the characters, instead saying that the only thing that needs to be done is shoot all kids and crime rates drop tenfold. A subsequent riot sequence with kids acting like French students and a pub finale where a random, stupid twist is added to try to create an effect on the 'who is the bad guy, is the good guy even worse' without looking at Harry Brown as anything but a saint with a pistol.
It's a shame that the film delves into ridiculous male fantasy after some amazing reality grounding work first up, and Daniel Barber's visual eye is clear here, the lighting, the shots, it's wonderfully done, if only the script had been given a once over by someone who didn't say "Oh, shooting would be cool here, what's normal people speak sound like?"
6/10
Friday, 6 November 2009
Five, Six, Seven, Eight!
Shane Acker's 9 has been given very middle of the road reviews since it's US release in September, mainly that the animation is great, no question, but the story and dialogue is cliched and contrived. Given that the main pulling power is that under producoral capacities are Timur Bekmambetov and Tim Burton.
9, which resembles a dark version of LittleBigPlanet the movie, is about 9 sacks with skeletal metal given life by a professor as humanity is wiped out by machines the professor invented with AI, that slowly became hostile to humanity. The 9 slowly appear as #9 awakens and is born into the wastelands of the Earth. 2, Martin Landau, is a smart old man who is abused by number 1, Christopher Plummer as a cult head leader. 5 is a partial medic, sweet-natured man, played by the epic John C. Reilly, 7 is femme fatale, even though they have no genders, played by the faceless, bland Jennifer Connelly, 6 is an introverted psychotic drawing images of an odd shape that 9 awakens to find, played by Crispin Glover. The cast is topped off by 9, Elijah Wood, as an innocent but brave and foolish kid in the world, new to everything, for better and most definitely worse.
The film most definitely looks astonishing at times and is stylistically amazing, but to be fair, whilst the script and story are simple and been done before, it's not to say that it fails on these accounts, quite the contrary, the cast give life to the characters, vibrancy in dialogue, even contrived dialogue, and the story can be tense and exciting, not knowing when it will end as well, it's a cracking little underrated gem that whilst imperfect, like the film's lead, is also a great film and deserves a lot more attention than it received on release, a must see especially next to more kiddie attempts at animation, it's a solid PG-13 action adventure, scary, dark and brilliant, and because it's not perfect I get to give it a...
9/10
9, which resembles a dark version of LittleBigPlanet the movie, is about 9 sacks with skeletal metal given life by a professor as humanity is wiped out by machines the professor invented with AI, that slowly became hostile to humanity. The 9 slowly appear as #9 awakens and is born into the wastelands of the Earth. 2, Martin Landau, is a smart old man who is abused by number 1, Christopher Plummer as a cult head leader. 5 is a partial medic, sweet-natured man, played by the epic John C. Reilly, 7 is femme fatale, even though they have no genders, played by the faceless, bland Jennifer Connelly, 6 is an introverted psychotic drawing images of an odd shape that 9 awakens to find, played by Crispin Glover. The cast is topped off by 9, Elijah Wood, as an innocent but brave and foolish kid in the world, new to everything, for better and most definitely worse.
The film most definitely looks astonishing at times and is stylistically amazing, but to be fair, whilst the script and story are simple and been done before, it's not to say that it fails on these accounts, quite the contrary, the cast give life to the characters, vibrancy in dialogue, even contrived dialogue, and the story can be tense and exciting, not knowing when it will end as well, it's a cracking little underrated gem that whilst imperfect, like the film's lead, is also a great film and deserves a lot more attention than it received on release, a must see especially next to more kiddie attempts at animation, it's a solid PG-13 action adventure, scary, dark and brilliant, and because it's not perfect I get to give it a...
9/10
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
The weather outside's not frightful, yet Christmas is coming to multiplexes?
Robert Zemeckis returns once more for the third of his mo-cap films, first was the rather brilliantly sweet and simple Polar Express, second was the dry but exciting Beowulf, now he's employed Jim Carrery to play about 1000 characters who all don't sound English by any means, so fit in perfectly with the shoddy accents from the people of London, specifically the children. Think Chev Chelios as a kid in Crank 2, THAT level of painful accents.
Again the film looks stunning, and Zemeckis pretty much throws virtual cameras around like they cost nothing. Probably because they cost nothing. But he clearly wants to show off the worlds that have been built for the film so much by giving us every angle in less time than we can monitor, in IMAX 3D the film will not be for those who suffer from extreme vertigo, Liza Minelli, nor anyone with severe motion sickness, you pretty much whizz around London at the start, after an opening segment.
The film kindly opens with the book being turned to the opening, and we, from there, see Jacob Marley's corpse and Scrooge with the undertakers. From there we begin the story as traditionally as possible, sneering, bah humbug, the same dialogue as it once was, rather authentic.
As we meet Marley's ghost we start to see where Zemeckis' version has it's own ideas, rather dry and traditional in Victorian London, when the spirits come in, the humour is being attempted to rise, in the case of Marley his jaw detaches and he smacks it up and down to talk for a bit. It's as funny as it sounds, maybe less so if I described it well enough. The Christmas Past spirit is a candle with a flame the face of Jim Carrey, sporting a soft Irish accent, that sometimes sounds a tad too Canadian, just before the two go oot and aboot the 'shadows of the past'.
Christmas Present is Jim Carrey as Brian Blessed, he laughs a lot, is very beardy and booming, and clearly needed the presents of someone with a voice like Blessed, as Carrey cannot sustain the bass to really excel in the vocal department here, however the final scenes are perhaps the most disturbing in a kids film this side of Jar Jar.
Christmas Future is the point I mark on the map wherein the film goes downhill. Before the spirits went into the flashback moments rather quickly, a little introduction and conversation, then BLAM, Scrooge is shown things, here Scrooge is chased down streets by the shadow spirit on a shadow horse and cart and shrunk until he fits through pipes, and for no reason smashes against 10 icicles as he falls off a roof, THEN gets to a flashback, that's 5 minutes of runtime that could have been cut and the film would feel better, especially since it's duties to be as traditional in the dialogue as possible make such an extended action sequence seem rather hysterical, like a parody in itself of an American remake.
Of course the tale of Tiny Tim is well done, if a little heavy handed at points, but Gary Oldman as the face of Tim and the face and voice of Bob Cratchit is great, he doesn't overplay, he just delivers a simple character who is always in the background until the final 15 minutes. Colin Firth, though high in the credits, has about 3 scenes, all are adequate, but there's nothing for him here. Bob Hoskins as Fezziwig underplays the Cockney, and during a dance sequence looks far too cartoony, then again he never looked all that real in Roger Rabbit either.
Whilst the detail is great on some textures and Scrooge's face, many Londoners look rather bland and quickly rendered, which is disconcerting when many kids with limited expressions play on the roads. The music is rather festive without being too overbearing.
It's a nice happy film, with some good moments and sequences, but the final act kills off some of the quality from the previous two.
7/10
Again the film looks stunning, and Zemeckis pretty much throws virtual cameras around like they cost nothing. Probably because they cost nothing. But he clearly wants to show off the worlds that have been built for the film so much by giving us every angle in less time than we can monitor, in IMAX 3D the film will not be for those who suffer from extreme vertigo, Liza Minelli, nor anyone with severe motion sickness, you pretty much whizz around London at the start, after an opening segment.
The film kindly opens with the book being turned to the opening, and we, from there, see Jacob Marley's corpse and Scrooge with the undertakers. From there we begin the story as traditionally as possible, sneering, bah humbug, the same dialogue as it once was, rather authentic.
As we meet Marley's ghost we start to see where Zemeckis' version has it's own ideas, rather dry and traditional in Victorian London, when the spirits come in, the humour is being attempted to rise, in the case of Marley his jaw detaches and he smacks it up and down to talk for a bit. It's as funny as it sounds, maybe less so if I described it well enough. The Christmas Past spirit is a candle with a flame the face of Jim Carrey, sporting a soft Irish accent, that sometimes sounds a tad too Canadian, just before the two go oot and aboot the 'shadows of the past'.
Christmas Present is Jim Carrey as Brian Blessed, he laughs a lot, is very beardy and booming, and clearly needed the presents of someone with a voice like Blessed, as Carrey cannot sustain the bass to really excel in the vocal department here, however the final scenes are perhaps the most disturbing in a kids film this side of Jar Jar.
Christmas Future is the point I mark on the map wherein the film goes downhill. Before the spirits went into the flashback moments rather quickly, a little introduction and conversation, then BLAM, Scrooge is shown things, here Scrooge is chased down streets by the shadow spirit on a shadow horse and cart and shrunk until he fits through pipes, and for no reason smashes against 10 icicles as he falls off a roof, THEN gets to a flashback, that's 5 minutes of runtime that could have been cut and the film would feel better, especially since it's duties to be as traditional in the dialogue as possible make such an extended action sequence seem rather hysterical, like a parody in itself of an American remake.
Of course the tale of Tiny Tim is well done, if a little heavy handed at points, but Gary Oldman as the face of Tim and the face and voice of Bob Cratchit is great, he doesn't overplay, he just delivers a simple character who is always in the background until the final 15 minutes. Colin Firth, though high in the credits, has about 3 scenes, all are adequate, but there's nothing for him here. Bob Hoskins as Fezziwig underplays the Cockney, and during a dance sequence looks far too cartoony, then again he never looked all that real in Roger Rabbit either.
Whilst the detail is great on some textures and Scrooge's face, many Londoners look rather bland and quickly rendered, which is disconcerting when many kids with limited expressions play on the roads. The music is rather festive without being too overbearing.
It's a nice happy film, with some good moments and sequences, but the final act kills off some of the quality from the previous two.
7/10
Monday, 2 November 2009
It's late October, that must mean shitty comedy throwaway release date!
The Goods was horrendously marketed using Adam McKay and Will Ferrell's names shamelessly and focussing mostly on Jeremy Piven's speech on a plane about smoking, and then some alligators running around and lots of random moments, that's exactly what this film is, completely. It's like the film took the basic template of middle noughties comedies, Vince Vaughn/Will Ferrell vehicles, and didn't try to be funny, just as random as possible to survive. That's not to say it doesn't work sometimes, it has moments of rather funny, but ultimately it's a generic one man stops being selfish, learns to work with others and learns to love. That's it.
The premise is Piven, David Koechner, Ving Rhames and the cheating wife from Step Brothers are a mercenary team of sellers that are assigned to help a struggling car lot to sell more over the July Fourth weekend, come the second day Piven decides to challenge rival car lot company chief and son, portrayed by Ed Helms, that if he can sell EVERY CAR on the lot, they won't be taken over. For no frakking reason!
Cue montages of 'funny ways to make a sale' that are overlong, tedious and predictable, lots of famous faces, Ken Jeong, Tony Hale, James Brolin, Craig Robinson, Alan Thicke, Kristen Schaal, Matt Walsh and Will Ferrell pop in to do some gags and stuff for no reason, and hey, they say the f-word a lot, and make lots of sexual jokes, that means it's funny right?
Well, no, it's kinda disappointing to see such a talented group of people stuck in a film that has no interest in trying to be good, instead settling for bland deja vu feeling of comedy, comedy is best when fresh, come on people.
4/10
The premise is Piven, David Koechner, Ving Rhames and the cheating wife from Step Brothers are a mercenary team of sellers that are assigned to help a struggling car lot to sell more over the July Fourth weekend, come the second day Piven decides to challenge rival car lot company chief and son, portrayed by Ed Helms, that if he can sell EVERY CAR on the lot, they won't be taken over. For no frakking reason!
Cue montages of 'funny ways to make a sale' that are overlong, tedious and predictable, lots of famous faces, Ken Jeong, Tony Hale, James Brolin, Craig Robinson, Alan Thicke, Kristen Schaal, Matt Walsh and Will Ferrell pop in to do some gags and stuff for no reason, and hey, they say the f-word a lot, and make lots of sexual jokes, that means it's funny right?
Well, no, it's kinda disappointing to see such a talented group of people stuck in a film that has no interest in trying to be good, instead settling for bland deja vu feeling of comedy, comedy is best when fresh, come on people.
4/10
16 year old boy becomes a vampire, girls DON'T scream?
The Darren Shan vampire books have been a source of contempt for me as a teenager in school, friends would sit and read the series in between Alex Ryder books, and say how amazing they all are. I took a look at the opening chapters of both series' and boy howdy did they stink to high heaven. With Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, Hollywood tries to bring back some elements of classic vampires following last year's vampire fuck ups, True Blood, which at least kept them violent, and Twilight, which is something we'll only discuss as we move all copies of the series into an incinerator.
With this film, Universal are clearly trying to launch a franchise, with a starry cast, lots left hanging for future editions and a style reminiscent of A Series Of Unfortunate Events and a majority of 80's and 90's kids adventure flicks, light hearted, silly but with serious elements as well. It's a shame that the lead character is painfully bland, his best friend, that kid from Firehouse Dog and Journey to the Centre of the Earth, is boring at being brash, coming across like a spoilt kid trying to be street, and it's a shame that the good cast get limited time. Jane Krakowski from 30 Rock is always good, here she's a woman in the freak show that can regenerate her limbs, Ken Watanabe is an 8 foot tall head of the traveling show, and is far too underused in the film, not only for his calibre, but for what the role should call for.
Salma Hayek has about 3 scenes, and gets so little to do it's just not right, Punisher himself Ray Stevenson is sadly stuck pulling a mix of American, English, Scottish and Eastern European as some zombie thing, Patrick Fugit is some hip young lizard boy, he's rather good for someone who actually has screentime in comparison to the majority. The only actor who is of any quality that gets enough time is Mr. John C. Reilly, he's also the film's best asset, Reilly is almost always amazing, and here is no exception, playing a vampire who has had eternal life for well over 150 years, and is slowly showing signs of aging, he's not the young man he was when he first got the curse. Reilly is hysterical and interesting, you care for the character, and laugh at the antics, a sequence where he has to pretend the young hero has died so his family won't worry about his disappearance, he injects a numbing agent, then a minute later breaks his neck and kicks him off the roof, brilliant.
It's a shame the writing is bland and uninspired, the CGI is rather repulsive, and the action sequences near the end near incomprehensible, Batman Begins confusing at times. A fight scene involving Reilly and Stevenson on some chairs off a stage involves lots of CGI fast blurring and Bourne style camera shots, and if you can tell me who hit who where without an audio, I will salute you, and say you have no frakking life.
The music was soli, similar score to most teen based action adventure flicks, editing was fine, pacing was a bit too slow, and what you'll notice I've barely talked about, the plot, was dead on arrival, film only began 40 minutes into it's 1 hour 40 minute runtime.
4/10
With this film, Universal are clearly trying to launch a franchise, with a starry cast, lots left hanging for future editions and a style reminiscent of A Series Of Unfortunate Events and a majority of 80's and 90's kids adventure flicks, light hearted, silly but with serious elements as well. It's a shame that the lead character is painfully bland, his best friend, that kid from Firehouse Dog and Journey to the Centre of the Earth, is boring at being brash, coming across like a spoilt kid trying to be street, and it's a shame that the good cast get limited time. Jane Krakowski from 30 Rock is always good, here she's a woman in the freak show that can regenerate her limbs, Ken Watanabe is an 8 foot tall head of the traveling show, and is far too underused in the film, not only for his calibre, but for what the role should call for.
Salma Hayek has about 3 scenes, and gets so little to do it's just not right, Punisher himself Ray Stevenson is sadly stuck pulling a mix of American, English, Scottish and Eastern European as some zombie thing, Patrick Fugit is some hip young lizard boy, he's rather good for someone who actually has screentime in comparison to the majority. The only actor who is of any quality that gets enough time is Mr. John C. Reilly, he's also the film's best asset, Reilly is almost always amazing, and here is no exception, playing a vampire who has had eternal life for well over 150 years, and is slowly showing signs of aging, he's not the young man he was when he first got the curse. Reilly is hysterical and interesting, you care for the character, and laugh at the antics, a sequence where he has to pretend the young hero has died so his family won't worry about his disappearance, he injects a numbing agent, then a minute later breaks his neck and kicks him off the roof, brilliant.
It's a shame the writing is bland and uninspired, the CGI is rather repulsive, and the action sequences near the end near incomprehensible, Batman Begins confusing at times. A fight scene involving Reilly and Stevenson on some chairs off a stage involves lots of CGI fast blurring and Bourne style camera shots, and if you can tell me who hit who where without an audio, I will salute you, and say you have no frakking life.
The music was soli, similar score to most teen based action adventure flicks, editing was fine, pacing was a bit too slow, and what you'll notice I've barely talked about, the plot, was dead on arrival, film only began 40 minutes into it's 1 hour 40 minute runtime.
4/10
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