Teenage Mutant Ninja Assassins! Killers in a Half Shell.

People are assassinated, that's a gibbon, it's life, people like to take it away.
But they're so boring about it. Load sniper, fire, brains everywhere, yawn.
What is needed to reinvigorate murder is some pizazz, some finesse, more blood and guts.
What is needed, is Ninja.

So, Ninja Assassins.
Sounds awesome right, kick ass awesomeness, like, mind blowing crazy cool awesomeness.
And that's what James McTiegue and The Wachowski 'Brothers' want you to believe as you enter the film, where we begin on a man telling a story of a ninja killing everyone but him, for his heart is on the other side of his body. As a ninja kills them and stabs him but good, it's full of blood and guts, alas completely and abhorrently CGI, but it seems fun and silly.

However, after that the real film begins. Naomie HArris once more suffers through a shitty script, this time as an Interpol agent working with another to find out the mysterious tribes of ninjas who kill for 200 pounds of gold. Of course investigating is dangerous, and when Korean pop star and Speed Racer actor Rain enters as Badsassin, the naughty ninja who betrayed the evil family who forced his painful childhood, they fight and do stuff for an hour, interlaced with more terrible CGI and a cheesy backstory of childhood love and pain right out of Ong Bak 2.

At about 1 hour into the film I realised I shouldn't try anymore, instead, just laugh at how bad the film gets, it descends quickly and stays there, and the flights of fancy it has in continuity (Old 'father' is slashed and has a scar on his face, later, he's untouchably fast) and physics (ninjas clearly hate gravity) and there are plenty of issues here too. Like, why are the ninjas whispering loudly when 30 of them enter a room to kill one person. Or why are all the other ninjas, trained in the same manner and clearly better than the lead, being killed so easily.

The film never explains, instead, just generic action with horrendous CGI and dull plotting, shambles.
4/10