Clash Of The Shite-ans

Crass title aside, what can you really say about this much hyped, postponed for supposedly terrible 3Difying 'epic' starring robo-Worthington from Terminator 4 and Avatar, already a shite resume, and directed by Louis Leterrier (The Incredible Hulk, Transporter 2)?
Well, for one, it's 105 minutes long and has a plot that Percy Jackson did better with actual human characters, meaning development, emotion, engaging with the audience, oh, and, well, the modern setting helped add a bit of fresh life to the dying mythical epic breed.

Given 300's success in '07, it's not surprising to see Warner and Legendary Pictures once again shameless traverse the swords and sandals genre, in this case a remake of the 80's flick, which, cos it's an 80's flick, I've avoided like the plague. However, of course, the film 'subtly', and by that I mean shamelessly, reminisces on the original by having Worthington lift the mechanical owl out of a container, enquire about it, then put it back. Why? Because, like 30 Rock before it, this is humour and self-referential genius to these people.

Ok, I hate Worthington, but I was ready to let him warm the cockles of my awesome muscle given the credentials of the director, and the fact that Liam Neeson, Danny (One line) Huston and Ralph (I pronounce it Krah-Kin) Fiennes are gods in it, but the fact that we are offered comic relief characters for no reason, painful dialogue, and lots of it, 3-4 action scene with abhorrent CGI, like half rendered crap, and the editing and directing style of someone having a seizure (No offense, but lets face it, big budget movies CAN afford a fucking tri-pod, and shaky cam isn't realistic, it's annoying, I paid my money, I want to see everything, clearly, with the only camera movements being akin to a ballet with the characters)

It's an overlong short action film that bores the senses and abuses the audience with shoddy attempts at action, a plot so mind-numbing it's impossible to enjoy, and any good actor, Huston, Pete Postelthwaite, are killed off early or ignored in any scene whatsoever.

A completely useless film we've seen time and time again, better before too. Avoid. Avoid like it's The Jonas Brothers.
1/10